The Beginning

It's hard to find the right words to explain why I'm starting this blog. I've been prayerful that the words would just flow so we'll see how this goes.

Several months ago I made a decision to change my life. The truth is I made the decision over a year ago that I wasn't okay living with some decisions I've made and though I tried very hard to work through them, it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. It hasn't been an easy battle. And it wasn't just one particular trial, but a stew of things I wanted to be and become. But it wasn't until a few months ago that I sought out the proper help to get me through this and really dedicated my sincere heart and broken soul to doing. It was a collection of things that kept me so long...mostly fear. Fear of hurting, fear of losing, fear of change, fear of failure...and a major lack of self confidence and self worth. I simply allowed myself to lose faith in myself. And Faith in yourself is often a funny thing...because you don't need Faith in yourself...you just need Faith in Him and the rest follows suit. 

So months ago I decided that I had a very big year ahead of me. I didn't want to just "try a little harder to be a little better". I wanted to give all I was capable of and TAKE all that I could out of it. So one day on my way home from church I heard a song...a song I have yet to find again. But in the chorus it said something about "The year of The Lord". Right then I felt the Spirit and was touched to make this a real journey. I decided this was going to be MY Year of the Lord. A year dedicated to study, prayer, sacrifice, hard work, humility, service and strengthening my relationship with my Savior. I've always had a really great relationship with Him but never as deep as I wanted or NEEDED.

So I decided to start a journal. Turns out, my hands are getting old with my body and writing is becoming more difficult. So I've decided to convert my journaling into a blog. I'm a little behind so it'll take me a bit to catch up. But basically I keep a weekly record of my readings, my experiences, my thoughts...and things I want to read in the future to help fill my cup.

Here is an insert from my preface in my journal:

"I love my Savior dearly. I love the beautiful family I have been blessed with and I want to give them the best of me. I believe in order to do that, I must grow closer to the Lord and perfect myself through Him, His love, His example, His Atoning sacrifice and His mercy. I have started this book so that I may journal my experience and have a place to write down the things I learn, the discoveries I make, the things I feel and lastly the goals and promises I want to make. I pray that on my journey over the next year that my testimony will be strengthened and that my faith and dependancy on the Lord will grow. I want to gain a deeper knowledge of the gospel and the Atonement so that I may live my life continually in the way my Father in Heaven would have me live. Returning to him faithful and worthy is the highest priority in my heart. I want to be a better example of faith and righteousness for my children, my family, my friends and my husband. My testimony is strong but it has dents in it that need some smoothing out and I will wait no longer to receive the blessings that come from doing so."  

I know that many of you know me well enough to know me by my testimony. But I have definitely been handed my fair share of temptations and trials. Things that I feel make us better in the end for having endured them. Because the true test is IF and HOW we endure them. But if there's one thing I feel strongly about it's that we will never be perfect. It may seem easy to be discouraged and wonder what the point is of continually working harder to reach perfection, knowing we'll never achieve. But that right there is the blessing. Knowing that we will never be finished. When we have achieved our spiritual goals, there is always more we can do. We will always have the opportunity to grow and become more like Him. Because we cannot reach perfection, we always have something to look forward to. Something to improve. Something to work towards. Something to give. The opportunities to serve as He did will never end. I believe that's one of His perfect blessings.

Last, before I journal my weekly devotionals, I want to share the Relief Society Declaration. It simply uplifts me and gives me light and hope.

"We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction.  As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar.  We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.
Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.
Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.
Delight in service and good works.
Love life and learning.
Stand for truth and righteousness.
Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.
Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation."