Week 2

This is a very tough thing to blog because I can't possibly tackle it's fullness in one post. This will definitely be a subject I will spread throughout many posts. Because it is the big one. Family.

"What matters most is what lasts longest"

There are so many things to discuss on this subject and they are the posts I'm definitely looking forward to the most.

So instead, it just so happens that although our family is going through many things right now, there is one in particular that has been weighing very heavy on my heart.

I do my best not to discuss personal matters publicly...especially when they involve other people so don't expect to see details. Just enough to maybe relate.

I've felt overcome today by the spirit. I had the (not so) unfortunate opportunity of someone trying to put me in my place with their doubts in the gospel and my beliefs or "opinions" of right and wrong. The issue was over the unforeseen suffering we can cause others by our actions. Especially family. I learned from my foolish past in my younger years that everything you do affects those around you. One of the most selfish things you can tell yourself and others is that "you're not hurting anyone". That's never true. What you do ALWAYS affects someone. And usually it's the people that care about you the most.

That aside, there are 2 things I took from my experience.

First:

It is so hard to hear others doubt and attack the gospel and our Lord when I've personally been rescued by Him in my darkest hour. I've been in places so dark that I thought He'd never find me. And He did. Not only did He find me in my little dark corner but He comforted me, grabbed my hand and forced me to get up. He's talked to me with a soft encouraging voice when I felt I didn't even deserve His attention. He walked behind me pushing me along and when I'd stop in my tracks to cry, I almost literally felt his hand on my shoulder...standing by until I was done. Being rescued by our Savior in the ways that I have experienced have lead me to a personal place where I could never turn my back on Him. Ever. So to listen to someone stand firm in how wrong they believe CHRIST'S church is, is like taking a bullet to the heart. It's like watching someone throw stones at the surgeon that saved your child's life. That's the only comparison I have. I actually allowed myself to take it so personally that I cried. But somehow, I took a few minutes and just breathed. Breathed long enough to allow the Spirit time to tell me that it was ok. That I didn't need to get upset or fight or defend Him. That humility and love would be the only way to represent Christ correctly. So that's what I did. I sucked it up. And I learned a lesson in humility that I can only hope would've made the Savior proud of me. If only for that moment.

Second:

I felt on such a deep level how much Satan tries to ruin our families. I've been in the middle of this before. Painfully I must admit that it seems I've had to give Satan a few tallies on his scoreboard lately for succeeding in small ways. But just when you think you have all the control in the world over your little family, you realize it's not just your immediate family he targets. He can target other members of your family that somehow seem to hurt just as bad. It's a reminder that just like every "sheep" matters to the Lord, every family member matters to you. You can love and support every member of your family and be there for them no matter what decisions they make. But it doesn't mean that even the things that seem insignificant on the outside can still tear apart your families in small ways. Your family can remain as close as can be...completely in tact. But he can still succeed by turning people away from the Lord. Families are strong. Sometimes too strong for him to break. But even if he can turn a person away from the Lord...that's still a small success. Even if the family remains. It's those small things we may not notice as defeats but they exist...and they hurt the people that do notice them. The only person you can be angry with is Satan. If you turn your anger and hurt toward your families...he only succeeds again. I've learned that if Satan has succeeded in turning someone away from the Lord, the best thing you can do to fight him is keep your family together with love, support, prayer and faith. That's our part. And I'm grateful that I took the time to notice this and learn this lesson tonight.